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boulevarddoubleOkay so I said I'd be back with more suggestions to combat the hopelessness and helplessness that our current world situation is making a lot of us feel.
You can read part one, which is my low effort / low cost list, here.
As with that list, these are still suggestions that worked for me, and come directly from my personal experiences dealing with depression, hopelessness, and general spiraling into "nothing matters". Just because they worked for me doesn't necessarily mean they will work for you, or are appropriate to your situation, or maybe you think they're extremely high effort vs my medium effort. That's cool! You're an adult, you have to make your own determinations.
That said, I encourage us all to try new things. Doing the same old shit gets us the same old results.
Because this is a list that steps up in effort or cost, this one has a few more meaningful suggestions for how we can engage in our communities more. I'm going to be real with you - we have to start doing this. And I do mean in our communities.
Political agency has been wrested from us by the billionaires, and very frankly, we have no one in political -- from either side of the aisle -- willing to challenge that. So until we have a reason to trust there will be meaningful change at the top, we need to be making meaningful change at the bottom. Get as local as you can, we have to be the voices that say "Yes. In My Backyard."
Anyway, this list is a mix of both the internal and the external, and my point is you don't have to go far from home to make a difference. In fact, you will make probably an even bigger one if you don't!
This is not a joke. It could be more broadly "Get a Pet" but a) Cats are so much easier to take care of than dogs and usually much less expensive and b) provide more emotional comfort than say, fish. But again, I don't really care, you do what you need to do.
The point, however, is that having something to take care of that also provides me love and joy is fucking crucial for my mental health, and probably yours too. Both times I've contemplated what I would have to do to commit suicide, it was "well I can't let my cat die" that stopped those thoughts.
There were days when getting up to feed my cat was the only reason I got out of bed.
But once again... momentum. Once I was out of bed, I could also feed myself.
Getting a rescue cat is, imo, one of the biggest win/wins out there.
This might actually be the hardest thing on the list. Even now, when I consider myself pretty mentally stable, I have a difficult time with it. Much like the dishes, I break this into steps, and I usually do washing laundry and folding laundry on different days.
However, whether we like to admit it or not, our environments affect our mental health so much. And one of the biggest impact-to-effort ratios in making a room more orderly, thereby giving your brain a chance to relax, is getting clothes stored properly. So put your clean clothes in your closet/dresser/wherever and get your dirty clothes in a hamper.
Pro tip: If you don't have a hamper or enough storage, you can often find cheap storage at Goodwills or other local thrift stores!
Technically, making your bed is a pretty low effort chore. It takes approximately 30 seconds to straighten everything up. And like, yes, there will be dust mites or whatever, but the mental relaxation from having a made bed is a greater benefit to your mental health than the extra mites detract from your physical.
However, to make the bed every day means you have had to deal with the laundry problem as described above, and you have to build the habit. And habit-building can be really hard.
I didn't start making my bed until I was well into my 30s. But now I do it every day and like, no matter what else is going on in my bedroom, it looks... tidy. I am not at all joking about the mental benefits.
We all have causes we are passionate about, and now, more than ever, those require our time and energy. Finding somewhere to volunteer can be difficult, especially if you work a 9-5, but it's worthwhile to do the hunt and do the scary thing to sign up or talk to the volunteer coordinator or whatever the process may be.
Often, you can get back into the volunteering habit through your employer. Mine celebrates our anniversary through "Acts of Service" to our community, which is a great way to learn about non-profits in my area. You also don't have to volunteer every week for it to be impactful (though some organizations do want you on a set schedule).
I'm sure you've heard this before but it's just so true: Doing stuff for others makes you feel good, too.
I said it in the last post - Hope thrives on connection. Volunteering is a great way to rebuild your connections with others and your community.
Pro tip: Again, if you work a corporate job, double check to see if they will reward volunteer hours with donations to the org. They may also match monetary donations if you work somewhere very big.
Clean, neat, tidy houses are out of reach for us when we're in The Dark Place, but having less junk around will help no matter what. The word "declutter" can be really scary for people, even perfectly happy, well-adjusted ones. A lot of people get overwhelmed by all the things they need to declutter, how to even get rid of it, what if they want to sell some of it, and on and on and on.
And conversely, for some people, "declutter" has now become so strongly associated with minimalism that it makes them believe there's no point, because they hate minimalism. (Frankly, me too).
However, we're not talking about decluttering, we're talking about cleaning up the junk drawer. Everyone has a junk drawer. I, a person who loves decluttering, still have my "deal with it" basket. I toss everything (small) that I don't know what to do with or that I need to figure out or fix into that basket. Sometimes for months. Until I, well, deal with it.
So deal with it. Just this one drawer. Prove to yourself you can tackle a small scale project that meaningfully improves your life.
My dad has been an angry letter writer since I can remember. And in 2020, I finally realized why. When the protestors in my city were getting tear gassed, and the local city council was being dumb about it, I looked up my district's councilor (who I had voted for) and let it rip. I wasn't rude, but I was forceful in a way I never would be in a professional setting. I was clear about how disappointed I was in their response. I sent links and articles. I let him know how he could do better in my eyes.
And... he did. Now, I have no idea if my letter did anything. Or if mine was one of a hundred letters he recieved and people who yelled at him in real life or any of a million things.
But when there was a housing zoning law change proposed and the NIMBYs were launching a huge campaign about "think about the children"... I wrote a second letter. And he voted the way I wanted to.
Now, I'm on his newsletter, I fill out his "issue" surveys, and he knows I'm watching. And he has to earn my vote.
Local politicians get so little constituent input, your voice matters 100 times more. And think about who usually goes to town halls. What age are they? What tax bracket?
Yes. In our neighborhood.
This is different from "See a friend" on the low effort list, because you are hosting them. You are inviting them into your space.
Especially, when I'm in the dark space, it's hard for me to put on pants, or shower, or do anything. But if someone is coming over...... I can find the motivation. And watching a movie at my house is so much less effort than trying to get to a bar.
Hosting does also cause a bunch of anxiety. I get that. It's why it's on the harder list. But sometimes we just need to face that fear. And it's easier to be vulnerable with a friend you love. Because they already love you.
I don't mean the ones you have to take every January at work, but one anchored in real world scenarios so that will better help prepare you to show up for others.
Right To Be offers free anti-harassment trainings of many styles - bystander intervention, race or gender specifc harassment, etc. They're concise and give you practical advice.
I took one of their virtual trainings in 2020 and it happened to be co-led by Paolo Montalban, the actor who played Brandi's Prince Charming.
Take one and it might happen to you, too.
I'm not saying you have to make beef wellington and garlic mashed potatoes with a chocolate mousse for dessert, but you need to do something special for yourself.
Food is my love language, and this is how I tell myself "I love you", too.
Maybe you hate cooking so you get takeout from a place you never will. Or buy an oven ready meal from the Whole Foods. Maybe you let yourself splurge on Taco Bell, even though you know tomorrow will wreck you from the inside.
Eat something good, that makes you feel good.
Reconnect with yourself.
And that's it. That's the list. I hope it helps <3
You can read part one, which is my low effort / low cost list, here.
As with that list, these are still suggestions that worked for me, and come directly from my personal experiences dealing with depression, hopelessness, and general spiraling into "nothing matters". Just because they worked for me doesn't necessarily mean they will work for you, or are appropriate to your situation, or maybe you think they're extremely high effort vs my medium effort. That's cool! You're an adult, you have to make your own determinations.
That said, I encourage us all to try new things. Doing the same old shit gets us the same old results.
Because this is a list that steps up in effort or cost, this one has a few more meaningful suggestions for how we can engage in our communities more. I'm going to be real with you - we have to start doing this. And I do mean in our communities.
Political agency has been wrested from us by the billionaires, and very frankly, we have no one in political -- from either side of the aisle -- willing to challenge that. So until we have a reason to trust there will be meaningful change at the top, we need to be making meaningful change at the bottom. Get as local as you can, we have to be the voices that say "Yes. In My Backyard."
Anyway, this list is a mix of both the internal and the external, and my point is you don't have to go far from home to make a difference. In fact, you will make probably an even bigger one if you don't!
Medium Effort / Medium Cost Hope Builders
1. Get a cat
This is not a joke. It could be more broadly "Get a Pet" but a) Cats are so much easier to take care of than dogs and usually much less expensive and b) provide more emotional comfort than say, fish. But again, I don't really care, you do what you need to do.
The point, however, is that having something to take care of that also provides me love and joy is fucking crucial for my mental health, and probably yours too. Both times I've contemplated what I would have to do to commit suicide, it was "well I can't let my cat die" that stopped those thoughts.
There were days when getting up to feed my cat was the only reason I got out of bed.
But once again... momentum. Once I was out of bed, I could also feed myself.
Getting a rescue cat is, imo, one of the biggest win/wins out there.
2. Get your laundry off the bed/floor/chair
This might actually be the hardest thing on the list. Even now, when I consider myself pretty mentally stable, I have a difficult time with it. Much like the dishes, I break this into steps, and I usually do washing laundry and folding laundry on different days.
However, whether we like to admit it or not, our environments affect our mental health so much. And one of the biggest impact-to-effort ratios in making a room more orderly, thereby giving your brain a chance to relax, is getting clothes stored properly. So put your clean clothes in your closet/dresser/wherever and get your dirty clothes in a hamper.
Pro tip: If you don't have a hamper or enough storage, you can often find cheap storage at Goodwills or other local thrift stores!
3. Make your bed. Every day.
Technically, making your bed is a pretty low effort chore. It takes approximately 30 seconds to straighten everything up. And like, yes, there will be dust mites or whatever, but the mental relaxation from having a made bed is a greater benefit to your mental health than the extra mites detract from your physical.
However, to make the bed every day means you have had to deal with the laundry problem as described above, and you have to build the habit. And habit-building can be really hard.
I didn't start making my bed until I was well into my 30s. But now I do it every day and like, no matter what else is going on in my bedroom, it looks... tidy. I am not at all joking about the mental benefits.
4. Volunteer somewhere in your community
We all have causes we are passionate about, and now, more than ever, those require our time and energy. Finding somewhere to volunteer can be difficult, especially if you work a 9-5, but it's worthwhile to do the hunt and do the scary thing to sign up or talk to the volunteer coordinator or whatever the process may be.
Often, you can get back into the volunteering habit through your employer. Mine celebrates our anniversary through "Acts of Service" to our community, which is a great way to learn about non-profits in my area. You also don't have to volunteer every week for it to be impactful (though some organizations do want you on a set schedule).
I'm sure you've heard this before but it's just so true: Doing stuff for others makes you feel good, too.
I said it in the last post - Hope thrives on connection. Volunteering is a great way to rebuild your connections with others and your community.
Pro tip: Again, if you work a corporate job, double check to see if they will reward volunteer hours with donations to the org. They may also match monetary donations if you work somewhere very big.
5. Clean out your junk drawer
Clean, neat, tidy houses are out of reach for us when we're in The Dark Place, but having less junk around will help no matter what. The word "declutter" can be really scary for people, even perfectly happy, well-adjusted ones. A lot of people get overwhelmed by all the things they need to declutter, how to even get rid of it, what if they want to sell some of it, and on and on and on.
And conversely, for some people, "declutter" has now become so strongly associated with minimalism that it makes them believe there's no point, because they hate minimalism. (Frankly, me too).
However, we're not talking about decluttering, we're talking about cleaning up the junk drawer. Everyone has a junk drawer. I, a person who loves decluttering, still have my "deal with it" basket. I toss everything (small) that I don't know what to do with or that I need to figure out or fix into that basket. Sometimes for months. Until I, well, deal with it.
So deal with it. Just this one drawer. Prove to yourself you can tackle a small scale project that meaningfully improves your life.
6. Write an angry letter to your *local* politician
My dad has been an angry letter writer since I can remember. And in 2020, I finally realized why. When the protestors in my city were getting tear gassed, and the local city council was being dumb about it, I looked up my district's councilor (who I had voted for) and let it rip. I wasn't rude, but I was forceful in a way I never would be in a professional setting. I was clear about how disappointed I was in their response. I sent links and articles. I let him know how he could do better in my eyes.
And... he did. Now, I have no idea if my letter did anything. Or if mine was one of a hundred letters he recieved and people who yelled at him in real life or any of a million things.
But when there was a housing zoning law change proposed and the NIMBYs were launching a huge campaign about "think about the children"... I wrote a second letter. And he voted the way I wanted to.
Now, I'm on his newsletter, I fill out his "issue" surveys, and he knows I'm watching. And he has to earn my vote.
Local politicians get so little constituent input, your voice matters 100 times more. And think about who usually goes to town halls. What age are they? What tax bracket?
Yes. In our neighborhood.
7. Host a friend at your house
This is different from "See a friend" on the low effort list, because you are hosting them. You are inviting them into your space.
Especially, when I'm in the dark space, it's hard for me to put on pants, or shower, or do anything. But if someone is coming over...... I can find the motivation. And watching a movie at my house is so much less effort than trying to get to a bar.
Hosting does also cause a bunch of anxiety. I get that. It's why it's on the harder list. But sometimes we just need to face that fear. And it's easier to be vulnerable with a friend you love. Because they already love you.
8. Take an anti-harassment training
I don't mean the ones you have to take every January at work, but one anchored in real world scenarios so that will better help prepare you to show up for others.
Right To Be offers free anti-harassment trainings of many styles - bystander intervention, race or gender specifc harassment, etc. They're concise and give you practical advice.
I took one of their virtual trainings in 2020 and it happened to be co-led by Paolo Montalban, the actor who played Brandi's Prince Charming.
Take one and it might happen to you, too.
9. Make yourself a special meal
I'm not saying you have to make beef wellington and garlic mashed potatoes with a chocolate mousse for dessert, but you need to do something special for yourself.
Food is my love language, and this is how I tell myself "I love you", too.
Maybe you hate cooking so you get takeout from a place you never will. Or buy an oven ready meal from the Whole Foods. Maybe you let yourself splurge on Taco Bell, even though you know tomorrow will wreck you from the inside.
Eat something good, that makes you feel good.
Reconnect with yourself.
And that's it. That's the list. I hope it helps <3
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Date: 2025-02-03 12:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-02-13 12:05 am (UTC)